| Being trapped in the victim role marginalizes your ability | | | | this negative event is like cancer, spreading the vicious |
| to live a fruitful, powerful and rewarding existence. I | | | | disease to all your living parts -- that it is insidiously |
| have very good news for people caught up in the | | | | pervasive? Or do you, as the optimist, believe that you |
| victim mentality: you can free yourself from this | | | | can and should restrict the problem to only one part of |
| self-imposed, self-defeating, depressing approach to | | | | your life? For example, if your problem is at work, you |
| life. Changing your attitude from pessimistic to optimistic | | | | don't let it interfere with your home life or your |
| will go a long way toward enabling you take control of | | | | relationships with friends. |
| what is really your right and responsibility -- your life. | | | | Your interpretation of the meaning and reach of the |
| Optimism is about trusting in your own power to make | | | | event in terms of being permanent, personal and |
| your life and future better. It's about developing positive | | | | pervasive can make you feel like a victim or, |
| beliefs, expectations, choices and strategies. You | | | | conversely, like someone who has the power to come |
| accept that you are the one who is responsible for | | | | back as a victor. Let's look at an example of the |
| your life. | | | | reaction of a pessimist and an optimist. |
| Martin Seligman, the "Father of Positive Psychology" in | | | | A pessimist is engaged in important job interview. She |
| his book Learned Optimism (1990, 1998), found that | | | | makes it through to the last tier and is feeling pretty |
| three beliefs about adversity differentiate the optimist | | | | pumped up. The choice is between her and one other |
| from the pessimist: do you believe as the pessimist | | | | candidate -- but in the end, she is not offered the |
| does that the effects of negative events are | | | | position. What does she tell herself? "I'm a failure -- I will |
| permanent, personal, pervasive, or do you believe as | | | | never get a job; employers simply don't like geeky |
| the optimist does that the effects are not permanent, | | | | women like me. At this rate, my whole life is going |
| personal or pervasive. Let me explain what he means. | | | | down the tubes." Permanent, personal, pervasive and |
| PERMANENT: If you make a mistake, fail at | | | | very depressing. If you think like that, your chances of |
| something, run into an obstacle, or encounter some | | | | becoming depressed are pretty substantial, if you're |
| misfortune, do you, as a pessimist, tell yourself that this | | | | not depressed already. |
| is not going to go away or change, that this problem is | | | | When the optimist interviews and is not hired, she tells |
| permanent? Or do you, as an optimist, view the | | | | herself, "This was a tough interview, but I will do better |
| problem, setback, mistake or failure as something that | | | | next time. I've learned more about the kinds of |
| is temporary -- that is indeed changeable by you? | | | | questions that interviewers ask, and I'll be better |
| PERSONAL: Do you, as a pessimist, tell yourself that | | | | prepared for my next big chance. I'll think about this job |
| the problem, mistake, failure, or cataclysmic event has | | | | situation later; for now, I'm going home to cook a great |
| been orchestrated by some person or force to | | | | meal for my husband and son, and enjoy the evening." |
| victimize or punish you, or that it was your fault; that is, | | | | In other words, she won't let this affect the parts of |
| do you take it personally? Or do you, as the optimist, | | | | her life that she recognizes as solid. Thus, her |
| understand that bad things happen to everyone and | | | | interpretation is not permanent, personal or pervasive. |
| that trying to place the blame on yourself or others is | | | | For her, this is just a bump in the road. |
| a huge waste of time and energy? | | | | Copyright 2009. Sharon S. Esonis, Ph. |
| PERVASIVE: Do you, as a pessimist, tell yourself that | | | | |